Survival Mode..

In the present moment, it's like simple mathematics to look back see a problem and fix it from the outside looking in and recalculating; but in that current state of fight, flight or freeze... it's a whole other ball game in the minor leagues. It's amateur behavior if you will, someone with minimal but only devastating experiences to compare. How does one get so irrational, emotionally unavailable, and completely oblivious to what is really happening in the present? You try to rationalize the moment, but you've got this entire other physical aka visceral response going on as to where you are now in the state of "Fuck this! I've been here before I know how this feels, Let's go!" Then moments later when you are back to your rational self, you are unbelievably embarrassed, ashamed, full of guilt and wondering, "Where the hell does this come from?" Then you begin to degrade yourself and rip your precious soul apart feeling like you aren't normal, not good enough, you don't belong, you aren't deserving and you literally beat yourself up inside. Even worse, you start questioning your own identity everywhere you go feeling like you wish you were living someone else's life, because the life you are living isn't fair, doesn't feel right and isn't comfortable.

This would be a very small excerpt of thoughts of someone who is living in survival mode. A person who has basically caged themselves in from something that happened so long ago, whether in their childhood or early teenaged years, that they feel the need to protect themselves. Everyone is a threat is some way or another instinctively. They're afraid of being vulnerable because others may judge them. They sit quiet and don't form opinions because others may disagree. They literally lock themselves away form the world. They're afraid to fully be themselves because they fear ridicule and not being accepted. This doesn't sound like quite the perfect person now does it, but it's not something that we will ever admit to doing, because 95% of us have no idea that we are doing this. I can't even tell you how many times I've been in certain situations and I'm sweating like I just did 3 hours of back to back hot yoga all because I'm full of crazy anxiety deep down because I'm afraid that I'll be misunderstood or judged. Well, goodbye to that shit because who wants to live like that, right? NO ONE! But who talks about this stuff, we panic deep down and think it's okay to keep living this way, when in actuality it's terrible to be living life this way!

I've always had a passion for helping others, motivating people to be their best self and especially getting healthy and into great shape. First and foremost, if your mind isn't right then you are never healthy. You're mind dictates and attracts everything in your life. The Law of Attraction (which I will get into eventually) is a true phenomenon. "You reap what you sow," is truer then the blood that flows through your veins, do not mess with it! Living in constant fear, anxiety, stressed out, pushing people away, never finding yourself, being so negative, etc., all of these thoughts will dictate your life and the people that come into it. Tony Robbins is always saying, "Life is happening for you, not to you." I agree with that statement because we are not victims we are the creators of our lives and our stories. You can either rise up to face your own shit or you can keep burying yourself in your own shit, which do you choose? You need to get healthy in your mind before any change will ever happen in your life.

Eventually, living in survival mode comes to an end when you are faced with living in the past or moving forward and living in the present finally letting your shit go. I have reflected back on many events in my life and wondered, "Who the fuck was that?" We have built up this person from so long ago that's still on the inside protecting ourselves, that we don't even know what battle we are fighting anymore. Who are we protecting ourselves from anymore? Is this the same situation we were in before? Why does our body give us this response in this context? Is it safe here? Are these people safe or are they going to hurt me? You know the exact questions that start to race through your mind when you feel your heart drop in your stomach, the sweats begin to unleash and your heart rate kicks up a few notches. Here comes that familiar fight, flight or freeze mode and it leaves you with "What are we gonna do now, I've got all bars up around us, do we fight or flight because freeze is rarely ever the option?" Then begins the moment where our mask of survival mode is worn and this unknown identity takes over until it's finally ended and we return back to our normal state, completely ashamed and wanting to run and hide.

Be kind. Be authentic. Always choose love.